


Ice Age

by Liza1031



Series: Harringrove One-Shots [31]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Birth, Child Death, Domestic Billy and Steve, Emotional Hurt, Harrington-Hargrove Child, Harrington-Hargrove Family, Husbands, M/M, Marriage, Mpreg, Parents Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington, Pregnant Steve Harrington, Soft Billy Hargrove, Stillbirth, parents!harringrove, stranger things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:48:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27888547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liza1031/pseuds/Liza1031
Summary: Steve’s pregnancy has been emotionally and mentally difficult for him and an unexpected loss makes it even worse.One-shot based on the song Ice Age from the artist Pete Yorn.
Relationships: Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington
Series: Harringrove One-Shots [31]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1987054
Kudos: 27





	Ice Age

Steve’s pregnancy has been emotionally and mentally difficult for him.

It was mentally draining to have to go through all the transformations and accommodations over the last few months and he was only in his almost fifth month just about. However, he and Billy got a doppler to always check the baby’s heart beat and make sure things were going well. 

They had a small gender reveal party and everyone was thrilled that the couple was having a baby girl. 

Billy had started reading to their baby girl every night, just some simple baby books they were given by their best friends. Steve loved hearing Billy read to their daughter and found it so liberating. It relaxed Steve and he would often fall asleep listening to Billy and feeling their baby girl kick. 

On August 17th, Steve was home laying in bed waiting for his husband to come home from work. He took the week off because he hasn’t been feeling well at all and his baby is draining all his energy, practically sucking the life out of him. He tried to push through but his boss gave him the week off so he could relax. 

He’s been bound to his bed for nearly four days now and Billy wasn’t too sure about leaving him that day but Steve insisted he would be fine and if anything would just call one of their friends. But, for Steve, he was scared that something could be wrong with their baby as he was experiencing lots of pain throughout the night and into the day. 

The pain resided just about an inch above his belly button and it wasn’t anything like menstrual cramps, in fact he couldn’t even identify the type of pain it was, it was just there and it was bothering him. He didn’t mention anything to Billy about it all day but was waiting for his husband to come home so he could tell him. 

But now, he was in the fetal position in bed clutching the sheets crying out from the pain. Even if he moved just a tiny bit it hurt him and he yelped every time he tried to make it go away. The Tylenol he took earlier didn’t help it either.

Eventually Billy came home. He put his bag and jacket on the small bench by their front door and made his way to their bedroom to check on his husband.

“Steve?” He pushes the door open and sees his husband crying into his pillow with his arm cradling his bump. “Sweetheart, what’s wrong?” 

“It hurts, Billy! It hurts!” 

“What hurts, honey? What?” Billy crawled onto the bed next to Steve and reached out to touch his belly but Steve flinched away knowing it would cause more pain. 

“I don’t know what it is but it hurts! I-I can’t breathe! I-I-I feel like I-I’m dying.” Steve cries and looks up at his husband with weary eyes. Billy swallows and his heart sinks at the sight of his husband in such discomfort. 

“Okay,” Billy sighs and gets off the bed. He quickly changes out of his work clothes and goes back to Steve helping him sit up, gently. “Let’s go to the hospital just to make sure nothing is seriously wrong, alright? I’ll text Doctor Sawyer too to let her know.” 

“Okay.” Steve whimpers while sitting on the edge of the bed with his legs hanging off the side. 

“Hey,” Billy whispers and cups Steve’s face in his hand. “I’m not gonna let anything happen to you. Either of you. I promise.” He presses a kiss to Steve’s lips and then helps him up. Walking hurt and moving in general hurt, but Steve trusted his husband.

Billy informs their doctor of Steve’s current situation and they were on their way to the hospital. 

At the hospital, Steve and Billy were taken to a room and Doctor Sawyer met them there. They did a full upper body ultrasound on him and found nothing. They then moved onto a heart tones ultrasound for their baby girl. So, Steve’s shirt was raised and his yoga pants were pulled down under his belly while his doctor checked on their daughter. 

He squeezed Billy's hand waiting to know if their Lily was okay. Doctor Sawyer carried on with the ultrasound and smiled at the screen which made Steve feel somewhat better, aside from the pain. 

“She’s moving around a lot so she’s very active right now. Her heartbeat is also perfectly normal so her position is most likely causing the pain. I would suggest trying a massage or a hot bath to relax your muscles and your mind, maybe with some lavender because everything here looks great.” 

“So nothing’s wrong with her?” 

“Nope. She’s healthy so I’m not worried about it one bit. She’s just very hyper is all.” 

Steve lets out a breath of relief and looks over at Billy who looked relieved as well. Doctor Sawyer cleaned him up and discharged him to go home. 

They got back to their apartment late that night and were both exhausted so Billy called out of work for the following day and just wanted to be home with his husband. 

**\---**

At twenty four weeks and three days, Steve’s anxiety was up for some reason. Lily’s movement had been off starting that Tuesday. So, he resorted to using the doppler they bought just to see if she was still okay. 

Billy was in the shower so it gave him the perfect opportunity to do it. 

Steve went over to their dresser where the box was and brought it back to the bed. He sat on his side and took everything out before turning on the device. 

“Alright Lily, let’s see where you are sweetie.” He lifts his shirt and pulls his pants down, pushing the small head to his skin. It took a couple minutes but he was able to find her heart beat and smiled at the numbers, normal as always. So why was he so bothered by her not moving? Everything seemed fine. 

Steve smiled while listening to his daughter’s heart beating through the doppler and put it away once he heard Billy come out of the shower. He rushed putting it back and got back to the bed just in time. Billy opened the door and a bunch of steam came out before his husband who had a towel around his waist and water droplets all over his upper body. 

Billy put on his boxers and sweatpants then slid into bed next to his husband, laying there for the rest of the evening. 

As the week went on Steve started to feel her less and less. Now they tell you that this it’s okay before something like twenty eight weeks, but he knew in his heart something was up. He tried to convince himself that babies had quiet days. 

Steve felt her quite a bit and it was more than normal. 

On Friday, September 3rd, he had hit twenty five weeks and they decided to go for a walk on the beach just two blocks away from their apartment. They got ready and before they made their way to the shore.

While waiting for his husband to come out of their bathroom, Steve leaned against the wall in their hallway with his hands rubbing around his bump. He hadn’t felt Lily move much that day and again his anxiety was bothering him. 

Once Billy came out of the bathroom, he saw his husband and instantly knew something was up. 

“You okay, babe?” Billy asks while placing his hands on Steve’s hips. 

“Yeah,” He sighs and turns to face his husband. “I’m just feeling kinda nervous because she hasn’t moved much today.” 

“Oh, well I’m sure she was just taking naps or something. She has to save her energy for her big debut in a few months.” Billy smiles and Steve half smiled at his comment. 

“Yeah, maybe.” 

“Look, we’re gonna go and have some time to ourselves. Lily’s fine, you need to relax a little babe, take your mind off things you know? It’s not good for you or her. I think you’ll feel much better after we spend some time at the beach by the water.” 

Billy tried to relax Steve during the rest of their walk but left a little early because Steve was rather paranoid by no movement. He was sure Billy was upset with him but when you’re responsible for someone else’s life inside of you, you become a bit uptight and cautious about everything. 

During their walk home, they held hands but didn’t say a word to each since they left the theater. Steve worked up the courage and spoke up first. 

“Are you mad at me, Billy?” He asks. “I can kinda sense that you’re not happy with me.” He began to tear up while walking beside his husband.

“Steve,” Billy turns and faces his husband as they stop walking. “I’m not mad at you.” He says. “I just want you to relax and not worry so much. I know it’s a lot easier said than done but believe it, it’s not any better for me watching you have these anxiety attacks everyday. I understand you’re on high alert all the time because of the baby but we need to figure out how to help you cope with it.”

Steve sniffles and Billy clicks his tongue wrapping his arms around his husband. 

“Don’t cry honey. It’s gonna be okay.” He soothed while rubbing Steve’s back. “I told you I’m not gonna let anything happen to you two and I promised you that I’ll make sure of it.” 

Steve felt safe in Billy’s arms. He knew his husband meant well and would never do anything to make him feel upset and or invalid. Once Steve was content and stopped crying, they continued their walk home together. 

They went into their bedroom and Steve got the doppler out again just to be sure Lily was okay. She moved a bit during their walk home but he still wanted to be sure. So the two of them got on their bed and Billy took the doppler this time while Steve laid beside him with his bump on his display. 

Billy smiled down at his husband’s beautiful belly that was carrying their sweet girl inside. He looked amazing and it suited him well. He got the device turned on then pushed it to Steve’s bump, searching for their daughter. 

“Where are you hiding Lilybean?” Billy moved it around to Steve’s right side and they could hear the swooshing of his placenta then came across the soft thumps of her heart beating. He moved it down some more and found her on the lower portion of his right side. “There you are, baby girl.”

Steve smiled as Billy held the head to his skin firmly watching the screen as it read her heartbeat. 

“It’s at 155 and 162, like last time babe.” 

“I guess I am just a tad paranoid. I’m sorry, B.” 

“It’s fine, Steve. I like hearing her heartbeat. It’s actually pretty cool.” Billy says while keeping the doppler on Steve’s bump.

They listened to it for a few more minutes then put it away and cuddled together in bed. 

“Since tomorrow is Saturday and neither of us have anything planned, I was thinking we could have an us day.” Billy explains and runs fingers along Steve’s legs. “I can give you a long massage, we can take a warm bath together, give you a foot rub, you know all that good stuff. What do you say?” 

“I’d love that.” Steve smiles and leans forward, pecking Billy’s lips. “Then can we watch ghost documentaries in bed tomorrow night?” 

“Whatever you want babe.” 

They continued to smile and nuzzled their noses together while laying across from each other in bed, staring into each other’s eyes. Steve’s hand cupped underneath his growing belly while Billy’s hands explored around Steve’s body, sending chills down his spine. Loving every second of their time together. 

**\---**

**(September 7th)**

“Honey, which kind do you want? They’re both on sale so I’m not sure.” Billy held two pints of dairy free cookies and cream ice cream in his hands, staring at his husband who looked to be lost in space. “Steve? Steve?” He waved his arm in front of his face trying to get his attention.

During their trip to Trader Joe’s, Steve couldn’t help but notice he wasn’t feeling any movement from their baby girl. He had hoped nothing was wrong and kinda spaced out as he had an internal anxiety attack.

“Babe?” 

Steve started to blink himself back into reality, “Hmm?” 

“You alright?” Billy raised his brow and closed the freezer door with the ice cream still in hand. 

“Yeah, I was just thinking.” Steve clears his throat and pays attention to his husband. “That one is fine.” He says while pointing to the one in Billy’s left hand. 

“You sure?” 

“Mhm.” Steve nods and crosses off ice cream off their list once Billy gets the kind he likes then they finish their shopping trip for the morning. 

They drove back to their apartment and unloaded their groceries in the kitchen, putting them all away where they belong. 

Afterwards, Billy sat on the couch watching tv and Steve sat in between his legs trying to ease his mind that something was wrong with their baby. Billy could feel how tense his husband was and knew it was being bothered by something. 

When they finished their episode of _The O.C._ Billy paused the tv. 

“What are you doing?” Steve asks over his shoulder. 

“Well, I can tell that something’s bothering you. Is it the baby again?” Billy places his hands on Steve’s shoulder already knowing the answer. He moves his head down and leaves love bites on Steve’s neck. “You can tell me, love.”

“Yeah it’s her.” Steve sighs. “I felt her moving a little during breakfast but at the store she didn’t move one bit and I started to get nervous again. Can we please just check? I promise I’ll stop being such a pain.” 

“You’re not being a pain sweetheart. You’re getting ready to be a mommy, you’re preparing for this new chapter in our life.” Billy continues to suckle on Steve’s neck, getting a rise out of his husband. “C’mon, let’s go check on our girl.” 

They get off the couch and Billy leads Steve into their bedroom down the hall. Steve got himself situated on the bed while Billy got the doppler from their dresser. 

Billy put the doppler on Steve’s belly and started to move it around. It was silent. No swooshing of the placenta, no movement sounds, no blood flow sounds at all. There was simply nothing. 

“Why can’t you find anything?” Steve started to panic so Billy tried again.

There was still nothing.

“Something’s wrong, Billy! She’s not okay!” Steve started to cry and have a full on panic attack, rambling on about their daughter. 

Billy ran his hand through his curls and set the doppler aside. “Steve, she’s probably just in a weird position. It’s gonna be okay.” He assured him. 

“How can you be so sure?” 

“Because I am.” Billy wiped his husband’s tears then sat him up. 

They decide to go to the hospital to see why they couldn’t find their baby’s heartbeat or feel her moving.

Steve was brought to a room and a nurse came in trying to find her heartbeat and there was nothing causing Steve to be even more heartbroken and upset, resulting in more tears and panic. But thankfully Billy was there to try to keep his husband calm. 

A second nurse came in and tried to find Lily’s heartbeat. She had no luck. Now both Billy and Steve were crying, he’d never seen Billy cry this much, but when he started he felt more pain for him than anything else he was feeling at that moment. Steve had a small ounce of hope left that maybe their baby girl was just in an awkward position or shifted more towards his back during the night. 

Doctor Sawyer showed up and was with her patient while they called in an ultrasound tech to check on Lily. Steve’s doctor tried to assure them that everything was gonna be okay but from what she was told, she knew it wasn’t gonna be good. 

Steve laid on the bed with his bump out, crying with Billy as the UT came and performed a third ultrasound to detect their baby girl’s heartbeat. But, Steve could tell the second the screen flipped on that their Lily was gone.

There was no movement at all and his body shook from the silent sobs.

The UT zoomed in on where the heart should be and it was a silent, black space.

Wiping his own tears away, Billy squeezed Steve’s hand and brought it up to his lips, kissing his pale knuckles. 

Once the UT was out of the room, it was just Doctor Sawyer with them. 

“I’m so sorry.” She spoke while being cautious of what to say around Steve. She too had tears in her eyes but held it together because she knows she can’t get attached to her patients but Steve and Billy were different, they were special and having to be there with them through the loss of their baby is probably the hardest part of her job. 

She grabs Steve’s other hand and holds it, putting all her love and strength into him.

“Since we can’t detect a heartbeat and there was no movement, um,” She swallows and closes her eyes trying her best to keep it together. “I am so sorry, Steve.” Steve continued to sob and they weren’t quiet sobs either. They were loud sobs of agony, sorrow, and guilt. “You, uh, we can do one of two things. One, we can have you be induced today or you can go home and come back to be induced. However, should you choose to be induced today, labor could take up to six hours to two days.” 

Steve just stared at the light above him, his vision blurry as tears continued to fill his eyes. 

“I’ll do it.” He nods and turns to look at his doctor. “Today. I-I want to be induced today.” 

Doctor Sawyer glances up at Billy who gives her a nod as well and she bows her head, “Very well. I’m going to get you transferred up to the Labor and Delivery floor and will get you started on Pitocin.” 

“Okay.” 

She left them to be alone and Billy bent down hugging his husband as Steve cried harder into his neck. He knew he wasn’t to have the same delivery for her as he had planned, but what else was he supposed to do? Their baby girl was dead inside him. 

As time went on, Steve and Billy’s family had arrived such as Max, Dustin, Joyce, and Hopper. They only wanted certain people there with them, not friends, just people they knew would give them what they needed. 

Around 5 p.m., they started Steve’s labor, Billy was the only one in the room with him since he just wanted to share this time with his husband. Billy stayed by the bedside for the majority of Steve’s long labor. He hugged him, he kissed him and in general just loved him. Steve couldn’t help but blame himself for this happening to their baby girl and just couldn’t necessarily take the mentality that their baby girl was actually dead inside of him.

**\---**

Sometime around 7 a.m. he woke up from his contractions. He was having them about every two minutes and they felt like very, very strong period cramps. He was alone with my thoughts and knew he just wanted to sleep through all the questions, non-answers and devastation he was feeling. Billy was asleep in the corner on the uncomfortable couch bed thing. 

He beeped for a nurse and let her know he wanted an epidural. 

Billy had been woken up once she came in and immediately went to Steve.

“I’m gonna get an epidural. The pain is too much and I want to be somewhat comfortable.” Steve says. He looked exhausted and felt like his body was shutting down from all the pain and guilt he was feeling. 

“Okay, love. That’s fine. Whatever you want.” Billy rubbed Steve’s back. 

Neither of them were crying but he knew it would be setting in that their baby girl was coming but she wouldn’t be leaving with them. She was gone and they were never getting her back. 

When the anesthesiologist came in, she gave Steve his epidural and he was back to laying down waiting for the pain relief. Billy sat on the bed with him and kept moving his hand up and down Steve’s arm to get him to fall asleep knowing he’ll need his energy later on. 

Once Steve was asleep, Billy got off the bed and made sure he was fully asleep before stepping out of the room for a few minutes. He walked down the hall with his hands stuffed into the pockets of his sweatpants while he went to the waiting room where their families were. 

They all stood up when they saw Billy, he took one look at his sister and broke down in her arms. Hop and Joyce were crying while the three other men just watched Billy with his sister. 

Max held her older brother and cried with him for a few minutes until she calmed him down and he was able to talk. 

“How’s everything in there?” Hopper asks. 

“It’s going. Steve just got an epidural and is asleep now. I just,” Billy rubs his face not even knowing what to say or think. “I’m just trying to be strong for Steve and holding it together as much as I can for his sake.” 

“Billy, it’s okay to cry and be upset. She’s your daughter too, you know.” Joyce says while rubbing the boy’s back.

“I know. But I don’t have that bond with her that Steve had. It’s just so hard to wrap my head around right now.” 

“I know. Well, we’re all here for you two.” 

Billy half smiled at his mother and hugged her again then went to hug his brother and his in-laws before returning back to his husband. 

By 10:30 a.m. Steve started throwing up. 

It was a side effect of the epidural. They had only been giving him ice chips since about eight the night before due to this. It happened a couple times and Billy just held the little bucket under his face as it happened and his body heaved. 

As Steve got closer to delivering their baby girl he wasn’t sure how he was going to be able to do this. How he was going to bring himself to do this?

**\---**

Finally, in the early afternoon, Doctor Sawyer had come in to check Steve’s progress and he was ready to push. 

There were four of them in the room. Steve,Billy, Doctor Sawyer, and a nurse. 

They wanted as limited people in there as possible, for Steve’s sake. 

Steve had his legs spread but they didn’t go in stirrups instead he brought his hands underneath his thighs and pulled them back with help from his nurse.

Doctor Sawyer instructed him to push when he felt his contraction so he waited a few seconds and once the pain hit, he started pushing. He pulled his legs back and squeezed his eyes shut as he pushed. This was the moment he was dreading, bringing their baby girl into the world only she wasn’t going to be alive. 

It was a heart wrenching process for Steve. Each push brought them closer to meeting his daughter but it wasn’t a pleasant feeling both mentally and physically. 

During his time pushing, Steve glimpsed back at Billy and saw how upset he looked. He let his push go with a deep groan and laid back against the pillows, resting his feet on the mattress. 

“Her head is close to crowning Steve. You’re doing great.” 

He got another contraction and got right back into pushing.

Billy was crying and just kept rubbing Steve’s back as he pushed while Steve squeezed his other hand. 

Steve curled his toes and his muscles clenched as he pushed while their baby girl was easing her way out into the world. Billy didn’t want to look knowing he’d just cry even more so he strayed by Steve’s head and did all he could to help and comfort his husband. 

After a few more pushes and some screams, their baby girl was finally born and was so small. 

Doctor Sawyer gently placed their lifeless daughter onto Steve’s chest and as tragic as it was, it was also the most amazing moment in his life. He didn’t touch her and let Billy cut her cord before she was taken to be cleaned right away before she was given back to Steve for him to formally meet his daughter. 

The room was quiet.

Steve held his daughter in his arms and he could already see the many features she had that was much of himself and Billy. 

They sat there and cried some more together. 

They just stared at their little girl with so much guilt and sorrow and Steve silently cried as he held her in his arms while Billy cried and kissed his head, running his fingers through his hair.

“She’s beautiful, honey.” Billy whispers and kisses Steve’s temple once again. “You did so good. So good.” 

Steve nods his head as tears streamed down his cheeks, “I’m so sorry I couldn’t do this better for you, Lily. Mommy’s so sorry.” 

He touched her face and felt her skin. 

She was warm and she was still. 

Her neck was weak and she was so tiny that Steve was afraid he would break her just by touching her. He also knew that there was no way he wanted to let her go, even though she was already gone. 

They were exhausted and just wanted time with their baby girl before they had to give her away. They sat there and silently cried with one another for everything they lost in the last two days. 

Steve turned to face his husband and Billy was wiping his tears away with the pads of his thumb. He swallowed a large knot in his throat and slowly craned his neck upward while Billy came down and gave Steve a kiss. 

“I love you, Billy.” Steve says as they pull apart from each other. 

“I love you more.” Billy responds, looking down at his lifeless daughter.

“I love you too, Lily.” Steve pressed a gentle kiss to her head and brushed his finger along her cheek. “I’m so sorry, baby girl.” 

Eventually, they let their family in to meet Lily and everyone pretty much cried while they held the tiny baby girl in their arms and just stayed quiet, savoring the moment with their granddaughter or niece. 

Steve couldn’t shake the pain he felt inside and had been able to block it all out while everyone else was there. He just wanted to take that pain away. He just wanted to be able to take Billy’s pain away and wanted to stop everything bad from happening. He’s never felt so helpless and lost in his entire life. 

That evening, their family left, giving Steve and Billy some more time with their daughter as these were their final intimate moments with her before she was taken to the morgue. 

Billy held onto her in the bed while sitting beside Steve. They were both staring at her again, silently crying. Steve rested his head on Billy’s shoulder trying to figure out how the hell he’s going to be able to move on from this. 

Billy had said goodbye first and kissed her forehead. He closed his eyes as he did and inhaled her scent, feeling it go through his entire body. He passed her to Steve who held her and said his goodbye as well, promising her that they’re gonna be okay and that he knows she’s at peace. 

When the time came for her to be taken away, Steve and Billy gave her one last kiss then she was gone. 

They wept together, neither of them knowing if they would ever be able to stop. 

**\---**

The following day, the doctor went over everything regarding Steve's health and such. Steve changed into some regular clothes, feeling the emptiness of his bump. 

Upon arriving home, Steve wasn’t in the mood for any company or anything and went upstairs to lay down for a while being lost with his thoughts. 

Billy let his husband be and called his sister. They spoke on the phone for hours. He didn’t know what their next move was going to be. They had to make arrangements for their daughter, deal with work, most likely put Steve in therapy depending on how he deals with this. It’s going to be a lot but Billy knows that they’ll manage. 

Later that night when Steve woke up from a nap, he got out of his bed and left their dark room, making his way out into the hallway. 

Steve went into their daughter’s unassembled nursery and just cried staring at everything they were preparing for her, now pointless to have. He had such big plans for their daughter’s arrival and it all just turned to dust now that she’s gone. 

It hurt seeing all the things that were slowly being put together for their daughter. They no longer had use for her clothes, her crib, the changing table, her books, and the many toys their friends and family have bought her. He sobbed and brought his hand to his mouth to quiet himself down but he wanted to scream. He wanted to know why his daughter was taken from him. Why his baby. 

After a few minutes, he left the room and found Billy in the hallway. Steve looked at his husband and gave him a hug, admiring his warmth. 

Billy came to comfort his husband and they were both crying as they made their way into their bedroom together feeling it hit them both like a ton of bricks. 

As they laid on their bed, Steve looked into Billy’s eyes and frowned. 

“Billy, I promise to give you a child one day. I’m sorry it didn’t go as planned this time around but I-I promise. J-Just let me deal with this and try to move on, b-but one day we-we’re going to have a family.” 

“Sweetheart, I don’t blame you for this happening. None of this is your fault and I am going to be there with you every step of the way helping you get through our loss.” He cups Steve’s cheek in his hand and kisses away his tears. “No matter how hard it is, we will always have each other and are going to get through it.” 

“You promise?” 

“I promise, Steve.” Billy says and gives him a kiss. “I love you Steve. It’s gonna be hard but we can do this and get through it.” 

“I love you Billy.” Steve lays his head on Billy’s chest and continues to cry in his husband’s arms, wanting all the pain to go away.


End file.
